Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
