If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
