im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
