I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
