He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
