I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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