just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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