i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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