i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
