My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
