My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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