I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
