4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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