She is in my trunk
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
