If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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