I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
