he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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