I wanna bring you to show and tell
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
