I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
