if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
