Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
you never un-have a 4some
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
