First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
