Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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