Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Oh god it's open bar.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
