I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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