i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
