Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
