hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
