don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
