Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.