i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.