Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?