im drinking this country out of the recession.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
