all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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