How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I FOUND THE LEGS
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
