we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
