we have pet lesbian snakes
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
