Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
