I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
