Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize