My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
