Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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