Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
