i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
