fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
