Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
