In the future we'll all be gay
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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