My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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