This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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