Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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