3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
