He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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