her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
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