I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
