My liver just broke up with me...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
