he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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