U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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