Will you blow on my dice?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
