i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
