she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
