I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
