So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
sick fucks of a feather flock together
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I am available for nakedness
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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