is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
