oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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