I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
