what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
