i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
areolas are like halos for boobs.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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