i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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