And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Also, beer. Big fan.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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