How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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