I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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