yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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