even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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