There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
