I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
