WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
