drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
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yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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