hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
